I'm in need of a word. I wanted to give this entry a one word title to sum up the buzz in my head. Equal parts excitement, sadness, adventure, curiosity, nerves and happiness. What on earth do you call that?
Nersadventuriosity?
Hapadnessiture?
I flew out of beautiful Rarotonga this morning, an end destination of Hanoi in Vietnam. In order to get there, I have a fantastic 18 hours to while away in the Auckland Airport. A good friend suggested that I see if any of the fancy lounges would let me pay to stay for the day.
Brilliant f$*@ing plan!
I am currently draped over two chairs, ensconsed in my own happy little corner of the Emperor Lounge. $99 NZD has afforded me all that I can eat, drink and google for 14 hours. Shit yes.
My little coffee table island is littered with a tea cup, empty plates, a glass now missing it's gin and tonic contents and a half finished Monteiths Ale. Thirsty? Just raid the fridge. Hungry? Just hit up the delectable buffet line next door. Dusty from your travels? No worries my friend, there's a private shower with your name on it.
I was anxious to get here, even just to sit in an airport in Auckland, I just wanted to touch ground in NZ for a bit. The wheels hit the ground and my heart thudded into my throat. This country has some sort of weird magnetic hold on me. My bones just want to be here.
To my great surprise and joy I was granted a 3 month visitor's visa on arrival. I had to fight myself to keep from just buying a ticket to Dunedin. I want to be on the peninsula. I want to have a freaking Velvet Burger. I want to go for a run at Ross Creek. I want my coffee dates back damn it!
As phenomenal as the team in Rarotonga was, I've been sorely missing my Dunedin crew lately. More so because internet was hard to come by in Raro - which has its pros and cons - but a short video call with a majority of the A Team massively boosted my reserves. My heart has settled back into my rib cage and has resigned itself to wait it out with my head. I do have to avoid the windows in the airport though.
As exhausted as I am, this has been the perfect stopover. My head is settled, my heart is content and my belly is full! In a few more hours it'll be time to take a nice deep breath, fill my lungs with some crisp NZ air and leap into my solo travel adventure.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Kia Orana!
Righto my darlings! For those of you who have been asking - here it is! My Top Ten Things to Do in Rarotonga - accompanied with descriptions/funny stories.
In no particular order:
Coco Putt
Amazing buffet style food + great local music + putt putt golf = Coco Putt. I know I said no particular order, but this was one of my favourite things to do on the island :) The food is unreal, and all local. Bring your eating pants.
When and Where?
The buffet is only run on Sundays, make sure to book ahead. $34.00 (NZD) will get you all you can eat food and dessert plus a round of putt putt. Drinks are pay as you go.
The band is a rotation of local people, they'll happily take requests and love to have people come up to sing/play with them. Don't be shy!
For more info, check out their website here.
Go to a church service
I know, I know. An odd one for me to mention as I'm not really religious, however, I do worship music. This is something that is well worth the time, only takes a few hours of your Sunday and will leave you blown away if you appreciate musically talented people.
When and Where?
Every Sunday at 10:00am. The CICC (Cook Islands Christian Church) in Arorangi - although I've heard/read good things about the CICCs in Titikaveka and Matavera.
Tips:
Show up a wee bit early, dress nicely, but you don't have to be super fancy. We were invited to stick around for the after service lunch, so it's a nice time to chat with locals and get a bit of culture too :)
Walk the Cross Island Trail
One fine night, a group of us decided it would be GRAND idea to walk up to the top of the Cross Island Track to catch the sunrise. If this interests you, bring a flashlight and start at the Avarua end. Try and get a lift to the start of the trail as well. We had a healthy walk/climb to the top and enjoyed a lovely gentle sunrise. Parts were hidden behind other hills, but it was still pretty beautiful.
Coming down the way we climbed up, I found it easier to climb down backwards in several spots as it's pretty steep. Completely navigable if you have a decent level of fitness. Plenty of tree roots to use as hand holds/ladder rungs. Word to the wise, watch out for paper wasps...
When and Where?
The trail cuts across the entire island. One end is just outside of Avarua (the main township) while the other is over next to a general store called Wigmore's on the other side of the island. If you are walking from one side to the other, bring plenty of water, a camera and expect to spend 3-5 hours out and about, mainly to allot for time to take photos/rest. Wear your mosquito repellent!
Tips:
If you are walking from one side to the other, bring plenty of water, a camera and expect to spend 3-5 hours out and about, mainly to allot for time to take photos/rest. Wear your mosquito repellent!
If you want to try for a dawn hike, give yourself 45 minutes to an hour to climb up the Avarua side to get to the top. Climb down however you like.
21.3 Vaiana's
A simple and fantastic beach side bar just outside of Avarua. The drinks are well poured and cost effective. The food is pub style (ie. mainly all fried) but freaking AMAZING.
As this place is literally down the road from the clinic I was working at, we were here several times a week for post work drinks. They have live music throughout the week on different days, just keep an eye on the sign on the road for what's going on that night.
When and Where?
Any day except Sunday. It is just down the road from the airport on the main road going away from Avarua.
Tips
You can buy a drink card for $40.00 (NZD) that will get you 10 drinks. Definitely worth it outside of happy hour :) Food wise, I highly recommend the cheeseburger or chicken fingers. They also have a massive platter that is great for a large-ish group of people to nibble on as well.
Monday Night Jams
One drunken evening, another volunteer and I where completely convinced that we could "gently jog" from Vaiana's to the house sit that I was staying at. 6k (almost 4 miles) away from Vaiana's. At 9:00 at night. In the dark.
I know what you're thinking. Dumb move.
Nonetheless.
We headed off and started our slow jog.
Made it about 100 meters and said, "Nah." We immediately committed to hitch hiking. And who picks us up straight away, but the amazing chef from Coco Putt! We were stoked to have a ride with someone we knew.
He invited us to a jam session of sorts that he was heading to, promising us a lift home afterwards.
Best decision we could've made.
The bar that he drove us two sits just behind the post office in Avarua, its tucked away around a corner. A small bar is set up underneath what might be someone's house. Sounds dodge, but its amazing! Heaps of local musicians come out to play songs with each other. $4.00 (NZD) beers. You won't regret it.
When and Where?
If you are driving through town, at the second round about, take a right towards the Post Office. Just down the street on the right past the Post Office will be an empty lot with a teeny little building sitting in the back right corner. That teeny building is the bathroom for the bar, there will be a gate in a wooden fence next to the bathroom that leads into a grassy yard. Show up at 9:00-9:30pm on a Monday night. Enjoy!
Tips
Bring cash for the bar and feel free to get up and sing/play!
Pub Crawl
Friday or Saturday nights are great days to have a night out on the town. Most people are out and about, the people watching is usually top notch. 1. Start out with some dinner and drinks at Whatever Bar (across from the cinema in Avarua). 2. Walking, take a right onto the main road, over the bridge and through the round about. On your left tucked away next to the cafe on the corner will be Boogies Bar. Enjoy some stellar live music and a game of pool. 3. Next, head left down to the next road, take a left and listen for the for music to find your way to Hidies Bar for some warm up dancing. Drinks are fast here, and so is the music! Finally, top the night off with an excursion to Rehab Nightclub (next to Whatever Bar). If you're feeling brave, or are full of liquid courage, hop up on the main stage to dance the night away!
Bike around the Island
32k (20 miles) around sounds like a lot, but if you're up for it an the weather is cooperating its a great way to see the island. I would highly recommend biking along the back road as well as the main road. To get onto the back road, simply turn down any road that is labelled as a Tsunami Evacuation Route. The main road completely circles the island, but the back road does not. Check a google map out for more detail there.
Tips
Bring along plenty of water and a camera :)
Snorkel at Fruits of Rarotonga
Self explanatory really. Rent/buy some snorkeling gear and make your way to the shop called Fruits of Rarotonga (smoothies and such) near Muri Beach. Head to the beach across from the shop and turn either left or right. You want to aim for the dark areas of the water as that is where the coral is growing, hence where all of the cool sea life lives.
The really blue water is just sand. Not so exciting. Head to the dark side!
Catch a sunset at Black Rock and a sunrise at Muri Beach
Check the local paper, or google for appropriate times.
Black Rock is in Nikao, or about a kilometer past the sea wall at the end of the airport runway heading away from town.
Muri Beach is it's own area, just find a spot on the beach and you're set. There is a nice point you can walk to just past the fishing club. Heading out of Muri Beach and towards town, pass the fishing club and CICC, go over a small bridge and take the next immediate right. Follow this road to the end. Beware of pot holes! Head towards the ocean and you'll see a little pathway that takes you out to the point. Wear good shoes as its pretty rocky.
Karaoke
Self explanatory. I have recently discovered that I get loads of enjoyment out of this.
When and Where?
Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Roadhouse Bar. They have a folder of available songs, but you can request just about anything. They have way more to choose from than what's actually in the folder.
In no particular order:
Coco Putt
Amazing buffet style food + great local music + putt putt golf = Coco Putt. I know I said no particular order, but this was one of my favourite things to do on the island :) The food is unreal, and all local. Bring your eating pants.
When and Where?
The buffet is only run on Sundays, make sure to book ahead. $34.00 (NZD) will get you all you can eat food and dessert plus a round of putt putt. Drinks are pay as you go.
The band is a rotation of local people, they'll happily take requests and love to have people come up to sing/play with them. Don't be shy!
For more info, check out their website here.
Go to a church service
I know, I know. An odd one for me to mention as I'm not really religious, however, I do worship music. This is something that is well worth the time, only takes a few hours of your Sunday and will leave you blown away if you appreciate musically talented people.
When and Where?
Every Sunday at 10:00am. The CICC (Cook Islands Christian Church) in Arorangi - although I've heard/read good things about the CICCs in Titikaveka and Matavera.
Tips:
Show up a wee bit early, dress nicely, but you don't have to be super fancy. We were invited to stick around for the after service lunch, so it's a nice time to chat with locals and get a bit of culture too :)
Walk the Cross Island Trail
One fine night, a group of us decided it would be GRAND idea to walk up to the top of the Cross Island Track to catch the sunrise. If this interests you, bring a flashlight and start at the Avarua end. Try and get a lift to the start of the trail as well. We had a healthy walk/climb to the top and enjoyed a lovely gentle sunrise. Parts were hidden behind other hills, but it was still pretty beautiful.
Coming down the way we climbed up, I found it easier to climb down backwards in several spots as it's pretty steep. Completely navigable if you have a decent level of fitness. Plenty of tree roots to use as hand holds/ladder rungs. Word to the wise, watch out for paper wasps...
When and Where?
The trail cuts across the entire island. One end is just outside of Avarua (the main township) while the other is over next to a general store called Wigmore's on the other side of the island. If you are walking from one side to the other, bring plenty of water, a camera and expect to spend 3-5 hours out and about, mainly to allot for time to take photos/rest. Wear your mosquito repellent!
Tips:
If you are walking from one side to the other, bring plenty of water, a camera and expect to spend 3-5 hours out and about, mainly to allot for time to take photos/rest. Wear your mosquito repellent!
If you want to try for a dawn hike, give yourself 45 minutes to an hour to climb up the Avarua side to get to the top. Climb down however you like.
21.3 Vaiana's
A simple and fantastic beach side bar just outside of Avarua. The drinks are well poured and cost effective. The food is pub style (ie. mainly all fried) but freaking AMAZING.
As this place is literally down the road from the clinic I was working at, we were here several times a week for post work drinks. They have live music throughout the week on different days, just keep an eye on the sign on the road for what's going on that night.
When and Where?
Any day except Sunday. It is just down the road from the airport on the main road going away from Avarua.
Tips
You can buy a drink card for $40.00 (NZD) that will get you 10 drinks. Definitely worth it outside of happy hour :) Food wise, I highly recommend the cheeseburger or chicken fingers. They also have a massive platter that is great for a large-ish group of people to nibble on as well.
Monday Night Jams
One drunken evening, another volunteer and I where completely convinced that we could "gently jog" from Vaiana's to the house sit that I was staying at. 6k (almost 4 miles) away from Vaiana's. At 9:00 at night. In the dark.
I know what you're thinking. Dumb move.
Nonetheless.
We headed off and started our slow jog.
Made it about 100 meters and said, "Nah." We immediately committed to hitch hiking. And who picks us up straight away, but the amazing chef from Coco Putt! We were stoked to have a ride with someone we knew.
He invited us to a jam session of sorts that he was heading to, promising us a lift home afterwards.
Best decision we could've made.
The bar that he drove us two sits just behind the post office in Avarua, its tucked away around a corner. A small bar is set up underneath what might be someone's house. Sounds dodge, but its amazing! Heaps of local musicians come out to play songs with each other. $4.00 (NZD) beers. You won't regret it.
When and Where?
If you are driving through town, at the second round about, take a right towards the Post Office. Just down the street on the right past the Post Office will be an empty lot with a teeny little building sitting in the back right corner. That teeny building is the bathroom for the bar, there will be a gate in a wooden fence next to the bathroom that leads into a grassy yard. Show up at 9:00-9:30pm on a Monday night. Enjoy!
Tips
Bring cash for the bar and feel free to get up and sing/play!
Pub Crawl
Friday or Saturday nights are great days to have a night out on the town. Most people are out and about, the people watching is usually top notch. 1. Start out with some dinner and drinks at Whatever Bar (across from the cinema in Avarua). 2. Walking, take a right onto the main road, over the bridge and through the round about. On your left tucked away next to the cafe on the corner will be Boogies Bar. Enjoy some stellar live music and a game of pool. 3. Next, head left down to the next road, take a left and listen for the for music to find your way to Hidies Bar for some warm up dancing. Drinks are fast here, and so is the music! Finally, top the night off with an excursion to Rehab Nightclub (next to Whatever Bar). If you're feeling brave, or are full of liquid courage, hop up on the main stage to dance the night away!
Bike around the Island
32k (20 miles) around sounds like a lot, but if you're up for it an the weather is cooperating its a great way to see the island. I would highly recommend biking along the back road as well as the main road. To get onto the back road, simply turn down any road that is labelled as a Tsunami Evacuation Route. The main road completely circles the island, but the back road does not. Check a google map out for more detail there.
Tips
Bring along plenty of water and a camera :)
Snorkel at Fruits of Rarotonga
Self explanatory really. Rent/buy some snorkeling gear and make your way to the shop called Fruits of Rarotonga (smoothies and such) near Muri Beach. Head to the beach across from the shop and turn either left or right. You want to aim for the dark areas of the water as that is where the coral is growing, hence where all of the cool sea life lives.
The really blue water is just sand. Not so exciting. Head to the dark side!
Catch a sunset at Black Rock and a sunrise at Muri Beach
Check the local paper, or google for appropriate times.
Black Rock is in Nikao, or about a kilometer past the sea wall at the end of the airport runway heading away from town.
Muri Beach is it's own area, just find a spot on the beach and you're set. There is a nice point you can walk to just past the fishing club. Heading out of Muri Beach and towards town, pass the fishing club and CICC, go over a small bridge and take the next immediate right. Follow this road to the end. Beware of pot holes! Head towards the ocean and you'll see a little pathway that takes you out to the point. Wear good shoes as its pretty rocky.
Karaoke
Self explanatory. I have recently discovered that I get loads of enjoyment out of this.
When and Where?
Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Roadhouse Bar. They have a folder of available songs, but you can request just about anything. They have way more to choose from than what's actually in the folder.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Take it all, with my love.
Two months in eh? How on earth did that happen?? My last mental recollection is a mad packing, constant moving, frenzy of emails, driving, boxing and tagging. And now here I sit in a fantastic little house sit tucked away on the back roads of Rarotonga singing along to music and wondering what on earth has happened to my life.
My heart in is New Zealand. I wondered for a while if my heart would follow me when I left the country. Nope. It’s still there, faffing around waiting for me to come back.
It’s very odd living without your heart.
I like to imagine that this is what it’s like to be an amoeba. My soul stretched into some jelly like substance holding important pieces of me pinned to a map.
My brain is just fried. I’ve lost the ability to handle questions, requests or opinions. Monotonous numbness is a nice fog at the forefront of my daily routine.
Wake up, eat toast, clinic chores, perhaps a gin, perhaps something social, sleep. Day in and day out.
Except for days off.
Bliss.
We are rostered two days off a week - one week day and one weekend day. Generally, I try to make my way to a cafe called LBV’s in Muri Beach to enjoy a stellar plate of poached eggs, plus a coffee. Ideally, following that, I make a short move to the Muri Beach Club to occupy a sun lounger. (The beach club allows clinic volunteers to use their beach loungers and water equipment - whoop!)
Thats it. Two days a week - Breakfast. Sun. Lunch. Cocktail. Home. Dinner thrown in there somewhere.
Except for this one time…
It was raining. Suck.
I was rostered off with two other volunteers who were both keen to leave the building regardless of the weather, so we hopped aboard bikes and cycled our way to the other end of the island.
Parking at the beach club, we stroll (already soaked) to the beach to assess the situation. Coming around the corner of the building, the lagoon comes into view. It’s completely still, like some giant freakishly blue sapphire that been polished within an inch of its life a plopped next to the beach.
Being already soggy, we opt for water sports. Hopping aboard some kayaks, we paddle left further into an inlet then back out towards the sea. Enjoying the view for a bit, we turn and head back towards the shore, cruising softly between two tiny islands.
As we paddle along through a gentle rain, we see a bobbing head in the water, upon closer inspection it appears to be an island dog that’s gone for swim while fishing the reef.
She ended up climbing aboard our kayaks and riding along until we were back in shallow waters, where she jumped off and continued her fishing.
Once we were back at shore, we switched to paddle boards and cruised around the lagoon some more. The water was fantastic. Still super smooth, and semi warm. It starting raining a bit harder at one point and I just remember stretching out on my back looking up at the sky.
I can’t write enough to do those few hours of my life justice. It was truly unbelievable. Something that I will remember to the end of my days. Just the peace, the water, that amazing dog and a feeling of solidity that I find escapes me now-a-days.
There have been heaps of amazing things that I’ve seen and done here. Absolutely wonderful people who I’ve met, great music, excellent gin and tonics, PLUS added life skills of driving a manual car.
It’s been phenomenal and exactly what I needed, but lately…
An itch is twitching. I need to move.
I’ve got some funds saved up from working in NZ, and South East Asia is soooo close…and high on my list. Why not?
Game on.
My heart in is New Zealand. I wondered for a while if my heart would follow me when I left the country. Nope. It’s still there, faffing around waiting for me to come back.
It’s very odd living without your heart.
I like to imagine that this is what it’s like to be an amoeba. My soul stretched into some jelly like substance holding important pieces of me pinned to a map.
My brain is just fried. I’ve lost the ability to handle questions, requests or opinions. Monotonous numbness is a nice fog at the forefront of my daily routine.
Wake up, eat toast, clinic chores, perhaps a gin, perhaps something social, sleep. Day in and day out.
Except for days off.
Bliss.
We are rostered two days off a week - one week day and one weekend day. Generally, I try to make my way to a cafe called LBV’s in Muri Beach to enjoy a stellar plate of poached eggs, plus a coffee. Ideally, following that, I make a short move to the Muri Beach Club to occupy a sun lounger. (The beach club allows clinic volunteers to use their beach loungers and water equipment - whoop!)
Thats it. Two days a week - Breakfast. Sun. Lunch. Cocktail. Home. Dinner thrown in there somewhere.
Except for this one time…
It was raining. Suck.
I was rostered off with two other volunteers who were both keen to leave the building regardless of the weather, so we hopped aboard bikes and cycled our way to the other end of the island.
Parking at the beach club, we stroll (already soaked) to the beach to assess the situation. Coming around the corner of the building, the lagoon comes into view. It’s completely still, like some giant freakishly blue sapphire that been polished within an inch of its life a plopped next to the beach.
Being already soggy, we opt for water sports. Hopping aboard some kayaks, we paddle left further into an inlet then back out towards the sea. Enjoying the view for a bit, we turn and head back towards the shore, cruising softly between two tiny islands.
As we paddle along through a gentle rain, we see a bobbing head in the water, upon closer inspection it appears to be an island dog that’s gone for swim while fishing the reef.
She ended up climbing aboard our kayaks and riding along until we were back in shallow waters, where she jumped off and continued her fishing.
Once we were back at shore, we switched to paddle boards and cruised around the lagoon some more. The water was fantastic. Still super smooth, and semi warm. It starting raining a bit harder at one point and I just remember stretching out on my back looking up at the sky.
I can’t write enough to do those few hours of my life justice. It was truly unbelievable. Something that I will remember to the end of my days. Just the peace, the water, that amazing dog and a feeling of solidity that I find escapes me now-a-days.
There have been heaps of amazing things that I’ve seen and done here. Absolutely wonderful people who I’ve met, great music, excellent gin and tonics, PLUS added life skills of driving a manual car.
It’s been phenomenal and exactly what I needed, but lately…
An itch is twitching. I need to move.
I’ve got some funds saved up from working in NZ, and South East Asia is soooo close…and high on my list. Why not?
Game on.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Begin again.
You know...I'm a bit of a nerd.
I played quite a few video games in my formative years.
Little did I know that one of the simplest of them would prove to be the best analogy for my life to date.
Tetris.
Fill a row with blocks, and you get points.
If you've played it, you'll know that the ultimate goal is to stack all of these different sized and shaped blocks leaving just enough room for the end all, be all block.
The long skinny rectangle.
If you're on your OCD A-Game, you'll have set yourself up perfectly. A beautiful collection, just waiting for that skinny rectangle.
If you're really lucky though - it actually shows up.
My life pre-travel was a serious of tetris games. Pieces seemingly picked at random for me to build my life out of. Occasionally, I nailed it. Stacked things just right so that I could earn a few points and keep the game going. Sometimes, I screwed it. Jumped at the last minute. Had twitchy thumbs and accidentally moved before I meant to. Game over. Start again.
However, a new and interesting thing happened to me. When I first came to New Zealand, I stumbled across the perfect game.
Now, these pieces were new. They showed up in foreign shapes and weird sizes. Like seeing a parallelogram for the first time. But, for some reason, all of the pieces stacked just right. Leaving just enough room a neat skinny rectangle.
And what do you know...it showed up.
Then, just like that, the perfect game. All of the pieces cleared the board.
A fresh playing field.
People talk about chapters in life. I've come to the conclusion that I've totally skipped over the whole chapter scenario. I've got completely different books.
I had one life in Kentucky. I was from a small town. Spoiled in a way, but still grounded to an extent. My world was forged in tiller blades, the smell of horse sweat on your hands, poison ivy, bonfires, delicious meals, hard work, easy work, laziness, and dreams.
After I stepped off the plane in New Zealand with a backpack and duffle bag of clothes, I was a whole new person. A blank person. Unmoored. Foundationless.
I remade myself to a length. Picked up a new accent (hard to avoid I would like to say!). Picked new likes. New dislikes. New jokes. New friends. New jobs.
I lost my old self. Sent it to the desert of my mind to wander for a few years and told it to think about what it had done and why it had sent me halfway across the planet to look for what I needed. My self-confidence, independent spirit, trusting nature and part of my soul grabbed a bottle of water and followed after it.
The first year was a shock. But a pleasant one. Kind of like when you're just falling asleep and are on the cusp of stepping into a nightmare, but your body does that thing where it makes you think you're falling and you jerk yourself awake.
The second year has been a blur.
But, low and behold, I've blinked and somehow ended up as a person with legit life experience. I had a relationship that thrilled me, made me grow, and taught me humility. I had a collection of friends who stepped to the plate to back me, carry me, shelter me, feed me, push me and drive me when I didn't even know I needed it. A job that taught me things, challenged me and delighted me. Life was ticking along.
Then, thing's suddenly grinded to a screeching halt, leaving my head ringing and my heart spewing its guts out like some hungover teenager.
Looking around, I realised that the door to my new found life was shutting. I fought it. Pushed it. Ignored it. Set it on fire. Hid from it. Yelled at it. Cried at it. Tried to sneak around it, through it, under it. Begged it. And then the lock snicked into place.
I stood there, staring at the door for a little while. Prodded for weaknesses. Tried the handled a few times. Perhaps I could pick the lock. Maybe I could just kick it down.
Nope. No key. No lock pick. And the stupid thing is solid as a rock.
"Fuck", I said with a sigh as I hung my head in defeat and slid down the wall on the other side.
A wise man recently told me that when you're fighting too hard, it's probably not worth the fight. Set things down. Walk away. Come back later with fresh eyes and a new set of tools.
I'm a firm believer in this.
Things seem to fall into place when you're on the right track. Maybe you get a credit line increase for no reason. Maybe you find you missing lucky penny. Maybe you hear just the right thing at just the right time.
Follow it. If good things are happening, just follow them. It's slightly terrifying, probably not the direction you saw your life headed in, but you never know...it might just be worth it.
As they say, "When a door shuts, a window opens."
And, from what I hear, my new window's got a pretty sweet view of the ocean.
I played quite a few video games in my formative years.
Little did I know that one of the simplest of them would prove to be the best analogy for my life to date.
Tetris.
Fill a row with blocks, and you get points.
If you've played it, you'll know that the ultimate goal is to stack all of these different sized and shaped blocks leaving just enough room for the end all, be all block.
The long skinny rectangle.
If you're on your OCD A-Game, you'll have set yourself up perfectly. A beautiful collection, just waiting for that skinny rectangle.
If you're really lucky though - it actually shows up.
My life pre-travel was a serious of tetris games. Pieces seemingly picked at random for me to build my life out of. Occasionally, I nailed it. Stacked things just right so that I could earn a few points and keep the game going. Sometimes, I screwed it. Jumped at the last minute. Had twitchy thumbs and accidentally moved before I meant to. Game over. Start again.
However, a new and interesting thing happened to me. When I first came to New Zealand, I stumbled across the perfect game.
Now, these pieces were new. They showed up in foreign shapes and weird sizes. Like seeing a parallelogram for the first time. But, for some reason, all of the pieces stacked just right. Leaving just enough room a neat skinny rectangle.
And what do you know...it showed up.
Then, just like that, the perfect game. All of the pieces cleared the board.
A fresh playing field.
People talk about chapters in life. I've come to the conclusion that I've totally skipped over the whole chapter scenario. I've got completely different books.
I had one life in Kentucky. I was from a small town. Spoiled in a way, but still grounded to an extent. My world was forged in tiller blades, the smell of horse sweat on your hands, poison ivy, bonfires, delicious meals, hard work, easy work, laziness, and dreams.
After I stepped off the plane in New Zealand with a backpack and duffle bag of clothes, I was a whole new person. A blank person. Unmoored. Foundationless.
I remade myself to a length. Picked up a new accent (hard to avoid I would like to say!). Picked new likes. New dislikes. New jokes. New friends. New jobs.
I lost my old self. Sent it to the desert of my mind to wander for a few years and told it to think about what it had done and why it had sent me halfway across the planet to look for what I needed. My self-confidence, independent spirit, trusting nature and part of my soul grabbed a bottle of water and followed after it.
The first year was a shock. But a pleasant one. Kind of like when you're just falling asleep and are on the cusp of stepping into a nightmare, but your body does that thing where it makes you think you're falling and you jerk yourself awake.
The second year has been a blur.
But, low and behold, I've blinked and somehow ended up as a person with legit life experience. I had a relationship that thrilled me, made me grow, and taught me humility. I had a collection of friends who stepped to the plate to back me, carry me, shelter me, feed me, push me and drive me when I didn't even know I needed it. A job that taught me things, challenged me and delighted me. Life was ticking along.
Then, thing's suddenly grinded to a screeching halt, leaving my head ringing and my heart spewing its guts out like some hungover teenager.
Looking around, I realised that the door to my new found life was shutting. I fought it. Pushed it. Ignored it. Set it on fire. Hid from it. Yelled at it. Cried at it. Tried to sneak around it, through it, under it. Begged it. And then the lock snicked into place.
I stood there, staring at the door for a little while. Prodded for weaknesses. Tried the handled a few times. Perhaps I could pick the lock. Maybe I could just kick it down.
Nope. No key. No lock pick. And the stupid thing is solid as a rock.
"Fuck", I said with a sigh as I hung my head in defeat and slid down the wall on the other side.
A wise man recently told me that when you're fighting too hard, it's probably not worth the fight. Set things down. Walk away. Come back later with fresh eyes and a new set of tools.
I'm a firm believer in this.
Things seem to fall into place when you're on the right track. Maybe you get a credit line increase for no reason. Maybe you find you missing lucky penny. Maybe you hear just the right thing at just the right time.
Follow it. If good things are happening, just follow them. It's slightly terrifying, probably not the direction you saw your life headed in, but you never know...it might just be worth it.
As they say, "When a door shuts, a window opens."
And, from what I hear, my new window's got a pretty sweet view of the ocean.
Friday, October 25, 2013
A Modern Day Truman Show
I feel like Truman Burbank.
Jim Carey's lead role from the widely know movie The Truman Show (which, according to my recent search on IMDB came out in 1998. WHAT? That doesn't sound that long ago.....until I do the math. 15 years ago?!?!).
If you for some unfortunate reason are unfamiliar with this movie, let me give you a quick plot synopsis:
Truman Burbank is a normal man. Living a normal life. Only he is completely unaware that his "normal life" is completely manufactured by a TV crew. His friends and family are all actors. His entire life has been aired live on TV 24-7. Cameras are hidden in inconspicuous places, scenes are set up for him to react to, and every person in his life is directed by a TV producer through an inner ear microphone.
He is unsatisfied with the life he leads and his discovery of his lead role in a faux life leads him along the ultimate path of adventure and self affirmation.
If you haven't seen it (seriously?) then please, rent it and enjoy.
Let me say again, I feel like Truman Burbank. My life is not real. I cannot say that enough because its a constant thread in my thought process lately.
I keep waiting to see the same car circling the block, or to walk around a corner and catch a cameraman unawares. I'll say something like "HA! I knew it!" While pointing a finger at him, a look of success and simultaneous dismay displayed across my features.
Success because I knew it couldn't all be true, dismay because I was secretly afraid to be so right.
Most days I wake up from dreams of things I used to do. Fuzzy landscapes of varying shades of green, grass tickling my feet as I ride a giant paint horse through a field. Sun on my back and wind on my face. It all melts to the background as my eyes open, my brain catalogs and reviews it and tucks it away as one would place a well read, dog-eared book back on a shelf. It actually confounds me that I accept what are actual memories as some sort of dream life.
I've been in New Zealand for over a month now. Some mornings, I lie in bed, smothered in fleece sheets, staring out across a coastal city. Pacific ocean to my right, mountains slowly rippling into the distance on my left.
It blows my mind how right my life feels. How right and normal that view out the window is. How much the sound of an ocean breeze comforts a girl who grew up listening to wind whispering through tall grass. She was one who took solace in the silence and scents of a rolling field. She was more comfortable on horseback than on her own two feet. She lead a life of continuity, each day bleeding into the next.
No more. Now she lives a life of mountains. Of tides. Of wild weather. Of great music. Of even better food. Of the best company. Of air, and balance and adventure.
You know, I hope my life is a modern day Truman Show. The ratings of late must be killing it.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Letters for You - Episode One
A Letter for You,
I want you to know, first of all, that I miss you terribly.
Quite often I catch myself thinking that I could have said more, been there more often, stayed longer, asked more questions or just listened more. It makes me feel rather regretful that there are many things in my life that you wont be able to witness. Almost as though I wish I had started living my life long ago.
That being said, each memory that you bring forth is a beautiful and happy one. I cannot recall one time that I was in your vicinity without a smile on my face. The time you've spent with me has left a massive impression on who I will be in the years to come.
I have a list longer than my arm of things I want to ask you. Advice that I want to request. You always had just the right amount of words phrased in just the right way and any opinion offered never fell upon deaf ears.
My need to explore, see, and experience the world is of my own making. However, it is the simple fact that I know, without doubt, how proud you are of me that brings a smile to my face. Your approval of my current course gives my life weight and solidity that few people my age are lucky enough to experience. The path that I now confidently walk may be the one less travelled by, but that has made all the difference.
Thank you for inspiring me and giving me the courage to walk in the yellow woods.
Love,
LP
Letters for You
Today is the beginning of a project that I've been meaning to start for sometime now. I am always fond of honesty, especially blunt honesty, and there are so many things that people leave unsaid. Therefore, this project is going to envelope (pun!) a series of letters for you.
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