A Modern Day Truman Show

I feel like Truman Burbank.

 

Jim Carey's lead role from the widely know movie The Truman Show (which, according to my recent search on IMDB came out in 1998. WHAT? That doesn't sound that long ago.....until I do the math. 15 years ago?!?!).

 

If you for some unfortunate reason are unfamiliar with this movie, let me give you a quick plot synopsis:

Truman Burbank is a normal man. Living a normal life. Only he is completely unaware that his "normal life" is completely manufactured by a TV crew. His friends and family are all actors. His entire life has been aired live on TV 24-7. Cameras are hidden in inconspicuous places, scenes are set up for him to react to, and every person in his life is directed by a TV producer through an inner ear microphone.

He is unsatisfied with the life he leads and his discovery of his lead role in a faux life leads him along the ultimate path of adventure and self affirmation.

 

If you haven't seen it (seriously?) then please, rent it and enjoy.

 

Let me say again, I feel like Truman Burbank. My life is not real. I cannot say that enough because its a constant thread in my thought process lately.

 

I keep waiting to see the same car circling the block, or to walk around a corner and catch a cameraman unawares. I'll say something like "HA! I knew it!" While pointing a finger at him, a look of success and simultaneous dismay displayed across my features.

Success because I knew it couldn't all be true, dismay because I was secretly afraid to be so right.

 

Most days I wake up from dreams of things I used to do. Fuzzy landscapes of varying shades of green, grass tickling my feet as I ride a giant paint horse through a field. Sun on my back and wind on my face. It all melts to the background as my eyes open, my brain catalogs and reviews it and tucks it away as one would place a well read, dog-eared book back on a shelf. It actually confounds me that I accept what are actual memories as some sort of dream life. 

 

I've been in New Zealand for over a month now. Some mornings, I lie in bed, smothered in fleece sheets, staring out across a coastal city. Pacific ocean to my right, mountains slowly rippling into the distance on my left.

 

It blows my mind how right my life feels. How right and normal that view out the window is. How much the sound of an ocean breeze comforts a girl who grew up listening to wind whispering through tall grass. She was one who took solace in the silence and scents of a rolling field. She was more comfortable on horseback than on her own two feet. She lead a life of continuity, each day bleeding into the next.

 

No more. Now she lives a life of mountains. Of tides. Of wild weather. Of great music. Of even better food. Of the best company. Of air, and balance and adventure.

 

You know, I hope my life is a modern day Truman Show. The ratings of late must be killing it. 

Letters for You - Episode One

A Letter for You,

I want you to know, first of all, that I miss you terribly.

Quite often I catch myself thinking that I could have said more, been there more often, stayed longer, asked more questions or just listened more. It makes me feel rather regretful that there are many things in my life that you wont be able to witness. Almost as though I wish I had started living my life long ago. 

That being said, each memory that you bring forth is a beautiful and happy one. I cannot recall one time that I was in your vicinity without a smile on my face. The time you've spent with me has left a massive impression on who I will be in the years to come.

I have a list longer than my arm of things I want to ask you. Advice that I want to request. You always had just the right amount of words phrased in just the right way and any opinion offered never fell upon deaf ears.

My need to explore, see, and experience the world is of my own making. However, it is the simple fact that I know, without doubt, how proud you are of me that brings a smile to my face. Your approval of my current course gives my life weight and solidity that few people my age are lucky enough to experience. The path that I now confidently walk may be the one less travelled by, but that has made all the difference.

Thank you for inspiring me and giving me the courage to walk in the yellow woods.

Love,
LP

Letters for You

Today is the beginning of a project that I've been meaning to start for sometime now. I am always fond of honesty, especially blunt honesty, and there are so many things that people leave unsaid. Therefore, this project is going to envelope (pun!) a series of letters for you.

Addendum to "Turnaround"

Please note: On the night that we originally met The Professor, he was out for drinks with his friend Caesar. I find it very necessary to mention him as he and his girlfriend Cleopatra have been present for each subsequent visit coinciding with The Professor.

Fun fact about Caesar: The man has a sweet tiny empire in Dunedin and some killer dance moves. He and Cleopatra also know where to find some AMAZING fish and chips...

The Professor Catches a Boomerang

GET ME OFF THIS PLANE.

My heart is thudding in my chest miles above the ocean.

In another 12 hours, I'll be back in Darling Dunedin. Not real.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

On a layover in Fiji. This airport is full of tourists. And a weird Chinese man keeps ambling too close to me and leaving his luggage five feet from my chair. Just sets it down and walks away. Then creeps back behind me to retrieve it, only to leave it again on his next patrol of this area of the airport.

The birds were super chatty this morning when we exited our 12 hours flight from LA.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Auckland. Right. No offense to those who enjoy this city, but I did not miss it.

What I have missed though, are showers. WHICH the Auckland airport has graciously provided for its patrons.

Hot water? Thumbs up.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

These clouds are so.damn.bright. They finally get the hell out of the way and I can see the happy little airstrip tucked in a valley. Surround by cattle fields.

My body feels lighter. My heart resumes its thud-thud-thud against my ribcage.

I drag my carry-on luggage from the over head bin. My feet carry me over the tiny aisle way between the seats and I finally weave my way between people to get to the gate.

Exiting the doorway into the main terminal, I try (in vain) to place a calm look on my face. Probably failing miserably as soon as my eyes make contact with a lovely looking gentleman casually glancing my way from a seat to my right.

And there's my grin. And all is right in the world again.

He even wore a button down shirt. Melt.

Boomer is back. Dunedin here I come. 

Boomer

Well, he tried. He checked my tickets. Made sure that my final destination was indeed Kentucky. My flight boarded at 3:30pm. Saw me check my bags and thought he was free and clear until October.

Until three hours later...

Facebook Correspondence:

LP: "You aren't going to believe this.....my flight just got cancelled! Hah!"

In a fluke event, and after my flight had been delayed by and hour and half, it ends up getting cancelled because two of the crew members had a "disagreement" and one of them refused to fly. The airline couldn't find anyone to staff the flight, so we were grounded for the night.

My life is not normal.

Poor Professor. He was all excited to have one whole night to himself.

Nope.

I shot The Fox a message on my way BACK through customs to see if she knew of a place that I could land for the night in case I couldn't catch a flight out.

Which I couldn't.

Lucky for me, the crew had gone on a bit of a city tour after dropping me off and running errands, so they were still in Calgary. So they came back to the airport to collect me....

He face was, again, priceless. My favorite half grin.

So back to Camp Acer we go.

I spent the evening chatting with everyone, laughing, smiling and in the most relaxed and carefree atmosphere we've had all week. There is so much love in this house, so much joy, you simply cant fight it.

And here I sit, spinning out the last little bit of this story before we load up and head to the airport AGAIN.



Dear Idiot Employee at United,

Thanks.

Regards,
LP

Get out.

So I bought a plane ticket.

To Canada.

Yes, Canada. Vancouver to be exact. Our northern neighbor of wilderness, mountains and some of the nicest people you'll ever get the chance to meet. 

I'm quite happy to report that Canada has taken the slot of country number three on my global exploration adventure. Three countries in less than 6 months! Lets keep that trend up! 

Vancouver to Calgary was this weeks route, the Rockies, hiking, great food, rodeos, Kiwis.......yeah, yeah, so there may have been an ulterior motive for this trip...

So maybe The Professor just so happened to be coming to my home continent to be the best man at a wedding. And maaaybe he was in town for close to three weeks. And maaaaybe we just might meet up in Vancouver....with two of his closest friends along as well....

.....Eeek! I've always been petrified to meet the close friends. Parents don't scare me, co-workers don't worry me, family is a breeze....but friends are a completely different ball game.

They KNOW you. They know what you like and what you don't like. They know who you've dated and how it ended. They now how your brain works, and whether they know it or not, they are going to meet your new significant other and compare that person against all of those variables. Willing or not, they are the code inspectors of any new relationship. Approval, even something so small as a smile and a head nod, can strengthen a fledgling relationship. (Think star power in mario cart.) Failure? Good luck. You're driving 90 miles an hour down a track covered in banana peels.

In short, I'm a bit on edge.

(SIDE NOTE: To avoid having one entry that is 90 pages long, I've subdivided the next few weeks into different stories. Click the links below to read if you like. There are return links at the bottom of each entry that bring you back here.)

To: The 'Couve

Vancouver, you darling! You were a blast.

To: Calgary....

Remember its Ya-Hoo, not Yee-Haw.

To: Canola, Kiwis and The Best Cats Ass Ever...

To: The Most Hilarious Dinner

Canada has turned out to be one of the most fantastic trips that I've had the pleasure to take. A perfect storm of wonderful, hilarious people and vast beautiful scenery. 

I started out hopping up to here to spend a week with The Professor traveling about sightseeing and such. Skype is great and all, but dating someone is so much easier and definitely less stressful when you can communicate in the same room instead of through a keyboard or over a crappy video connection. Following the current trend of our original meeting, I turned around last minute and stayed for what ended up being his entire trip. 

Turns out, I was nervous for no reason as we picked up right where we left off. Polka dot dress and all.

The 'Couve

The last few days before my flight to Vancover I am ball of nervous excitement. I packed, and repacked my bags three times, cleaned my tiny house, rushed through some laundry and before you know it I'm sitting in a pleather chair at the airport terminal, leg bouncing up and down while I wait "patiently" for my flight.

I was due to arrive a few hours after The Professor, so when My plane finally landed I found my way to our lodging for the next few days. I grabbed the key he so kindly left at the desk for me and lugged my gear up to our room.

Shouldering the door open I drop my stuff just inside the room. And what's this neatly stacked on the bed? A collection of New Zealand themed gifts. ::grin:: (Readers: I think he likes me just a little...) Some of my jitters subside and I quickly set about a quick post travel clean up, give my hair a quick straightening and out the door I go.

The Professor has informed me that he and his traveling companion are having a few "wee" pints at a bar called Yaletown Brewing Company. And off I go.

A short 10 minute stroll from the hotel later and my feet pull up in front of the bar. After a tiny panic attack of, "Crap, what if we don't recognize each other...", I rolled my eyes at myself as I spotted him immediately sitting at a bar table to my right.

With every step closing what had been a half a world of distance, I stride as confidently as I can over to their table. As I slide into my chair, I lean in for a kiss, a hug, anything....and what do I get? A hand shake. And that adorable grin. Then I remembered that a couple of weeks ago we had made a bet based off of who would cave and kiss the other person first. As we are both fairly competitive people, that hand shake was a challenge. Well....fine. Challenge accepted. Grr.

ENTER: Captain Awesome

Initially polite and great at carrying conversation, 30 seconds later and I cant figure out why I had been nervous to meet him. After 30 minutes and a few beers I discover that this man is HILARIOUS. No other word for it. Just having casual conversation with him eventually has you roaring with laughter. He is dead set on seeing a raccoon (as they don't exist in NZ), he'll probably never turn down a proper challenge and he's also a hell of a line dancer as it turns out.

Yaletown Brewing Company not only brews their own beer, but also has an excellent kitchen staff as well. The boys had enjoyed some "amazing sliders" before I arrived, and I helped myself to a delicious wedge salad. The ordering of which created a flurry of conversation as wedge salads have not yet made it to popularity in New Zealand.

Other Items Found In Canada That Kiwi's Love

Caesars

Beer Everywhere

Drinking with every task

Fireball Whiskey

Costco

Giant Trucks

Lift Kits

Slow Pitch

Poutine

Buck Hunter the Arcade Game

Recycling

Things Found In Canada That Kiwi's Don't Like

Massive Mosquitoes

Reverse Light Switches

Incorrect driver position in vehicle

No On/Off switches on plugs

4-way stops

Root Beer "tastes like mouthwash"

High water line on toilets - makes for a difficult stealth pee

A short night out finds us all back at the hotel, The Professor and I get back to our room and I happily lost our bet.

Day 2

One thing that I had not really put much thought to would be the interesting cultural differences between New Zealanders and myself....

Cultural Difference Number 1: Kiwis like to wander. 

I had taken about 10 minutes that morning and poked around on the Internet to find a nice place for breakfast. It was conveniently located about 2 blocks from our hotel. We strolled that direction in the morning, I mentioned the location as we neared....and promptly passed it. I am naturally confused, as I have evidential proof via reviews that the food at this initial location is both cheap AND delicious. 

The Professor attempts to explain this activity of wandering to me, but Captain Awesome sums it up beautifully when he says, "You gotta get the best one, and what if the best one's the next one."

Therefore, we wandered around the downtown Vancouver area for another 30 or so minutes. 

We finally landed at a waterside cafe called Provence and sat down to eat. I devoured a chorizo scramble and a mocha (Cafe Panama's in Wellington was better!) Good food, great conversation and hilarious stories (I will never eat sausage again) to pass the time, and before we know it, it's time to saunter back to the hotel to meet up with the groom for next weeks nuptials....

ENTER: John Wayne

John Wayne scares the shit out of me. He is a quiet, contemplative man. His presence commands a sense of respect that you only come into contact with as a child...on days when you did something wrong...and dad was coming home from work....and your mom says something like, "Just wait until your father gets home." 

Until you drink with him, and then you realize that he is a very kind, friendly, thoughtful man. Its also adorable how much he loves his fiancé (now wife), but more on that later...

We meet up with him back at our hotel and ended up boarding a Hop On, Hop Off tour bus to take in the sights and layout of Vancouver. While aboard, we are introduced to his parents, The Prophet and The Chef, and also his aunt and uncle June and Keppel.

The bus took us through the famous Stanley Park, where we took a quick break to look at totem poles, along the waterfront, and through areas like Gastown, Chinatown and over to Granville Island.

Hop On Hop Off Thoughts

Stanley park is massive

Double decker buses are overrated

Chinatown is an interesting 

area...

Gastown has some really neat architecture

After our hop on hop off adventures, we had a rough idea on the layout of the city. Plans evolved to have a birthday celebration for John Wayne's mom, The Chef, so we were to meet up with everyone at a restaurant close to their hotel called The Ticket. 

We enjoyed a fantastic meal there, celebrated a bit, said our farewells for the evening and went over to a sorts pub to watch what may be the only UFC fight that I have ever enjoyed watching. Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman were pitted against each other that night. A was defending his championship if I'm not mistaken, and for some reason was acting like a cocky douche bag the entire time he was in the ring.....that is until he was more focused on his act instead of his fighting, dropped his guard, left his hands too low and got cold cocked. Massive congrats to Weidman!

Afterwards, we somehow make it back to Yaletown Brewing for a few more drinks and riotous conversation. Leaving here starving, we find our way to a cheese steak shop and the kiwis are introduced to the wonders of the famous Philly Cheese Steak.

Hotel. Bed. Sleep.

Day 3

Another breakfast stroll brings us to a restaurant where we refueled for the morning. After a short walk we make it over to the waterfront again and a nice stroll along the harbor leads us to....you guessed it...more beer. Steamworks Brewery to be precise. While their drink menu looked amazing, I was alcoholed out for a bit so I struck out on my own to explore nearby Gastown. 

I found a delicious Indian restaurant, enjoyed some amazing lamb korma and feeling a bit tired taxied back to the hotel for a quick nap. While I snoozed, the boys made their way to Granville Island and explored the markets there (I was kind of sad I missed out on that one, the pictures looked pretty neat!).

Day 4

Waking up early, I attempted to go on a jog with The Professor and John Wayne in Stanley Park. Unfortunately, I'm woefully out of shape and my knees weren't to pleased with the pounding they were taking, so I ended up walking through the park instead. Best decision ever! I could've kicked myself for not bringing my camera though!! I took walking trails past Lost Lagoon (gorgeous), strolled through a rose garden, past a film crew and made it back to the totem poles (which I must say are way cooler in the early morning air with no tourists about). I snagged a cab back to the hotel to discover that i had way overestimated the boys run time, they'd been back for at least 30 minutes! Whoops!

A quick change and we rallied to go out to the Capilano Suspension Bridge and Grouse Mountain. If you're ever in Vancouver, I highly suggest either of these places. The suspension bridge was really neat from a visual and engineering stand point, and your ticket in also includes a cliff side and tree top walk. Buses run daily from downtown Vancouver. 

Grouse Mountain was equally neat, a really cool Birds in Flight show, lumberjack demonstrations and stunning views from a mountaintop cafe. Buses also run back to Vancouver from here, dropping you back at the waterfront area of town. 

On our arrival back to town, The Professor and I walked down to a nice corner patio bar and enjoyed a few drinks and some crab cakes. I'll have to admit, it was pretty nice to steal him away for myself for an hour or so. As he was the best man for the wedding, his time was limited schedule wise. This was something I assumed ahead of time so I enjoyed every moment I could get.

We made it back to the hotel a bit late for dinner (after all, lateness is a choice, and if you're not 5 minutes early you're late.) and once we had all congregated in the lobby, off for our last night out in Vancouver.

Return to: "Get out."

It's Ya-hoo, not Yee-haw

A short flight the following morning has us landing in the Calgary International Airport. Everyone except for John Wayne was in the same flight (his took off a few minutes before ours). So a herd of kiwi’s and one crazy American meander over to baggage claim, snag our respective suitcases and head towards the pick up area. As we walk out of the airport, a car majestically appears in front of us and out hops John Wayne’s fiancé, The Fox.

You can’t help but immediately see why he loves her so much; as she may be the nicest, most adorable person you’ll ever meet. Plus, she’s got to be crafty (like a fox) to get a native born kiwi to leave that ungodly beautiful country and his wonderful family (whom I already love at this point) for the other side of the planet. And if seeing it isn’t evidence enough, just stand in a room with the two of them for any length of time and you can feel it.  These two are the perfect compliment to one another, but I digress.

The Fox collected the first round of passengers and The Professor, Captain Awesome, John Wayne and I hopped in the second car piloted by the Fox’s mother. Our car, as it turns out, was a little finicky when it came to operating for extensive periods of time. For example: a 45-minute drive from Calgary to Strathmore. It made it’s opinion known by promptly loosing all power not once, not twice, but three times while we cruised at rather fast speeds along some of the straightest roads EVER.  

Not to fear! Our unwilling chariot’s owner was only a phone call away! And apparently this was not a new issue. Just turn it off, half way turn it on until the buzzing sound stops, turn it off, turn the key backwards, then halfway on again, point your tongue due east, curl your left big toe and BAM, she’s up and running.

When we arrived at Camp Acer (more commonly known as John Wayne and The Fox’s house), The Professor, Captain Awesome and I were shown to our shared abode for the next 4 days. A sweet ass RV. 

YES. 

You read that right. 

SWEET ASS RV. 

I am, of course, excited as I’ve never stayed in an RV before, but have always wanted to. Scratch that one off the bucket list. The Fox had cunningly borrowed this particular model from a relative and had kindly parked it in their back yard for our use. Freaking genius.

Now my darlings, the following are a series of factual events that occurred that evening. No amount of literary fluff is needed, so we’re going to do this thing bullet style…

• Slow pitch softball is a BIG DEAL in Strathmore.
• As is drinking beer whilst playing said game. (Go Caboozers!!)
• Websites are great for storing information about games, ie. weather conditions, cancellations, etc. 
• There are three important ingredients to a nice night of slow pitch
1. Dinner should be fast and easy to cook
2. Check the website before leaving the house
3. Designate a place for the car keys to stay when no one is in the vehicle

Needless to say, the important ingredients were not exactly following to mixing instructions....We were running late already, forgot to check the website, the game we were going to ended up being cancelled, and when we arrived there and found this out.....we also discovered that the keys were locked in the car. Along with all of the gear, and more importantly...all of the beer. Issue. 

ENTER: MAF

This man has some long hair. Not just your average silky locks though. We're talking Metallica when they had long power hair. It is also rather important to note that he is heavy metal music in human form. A real life, modern day, Canadian metal disciple. And he can smack the shit out of a freaking softball. 

Coincidentally, he also owns one of the neatest coolers, and even better its full of beer. We are all best friends immediately. After a relaxing evening at the ballpark enjoying some slow pitch observation (as another team was playing). We returned home to rest up for the next day.

In the middle of setting up for the wedding the following weekend, we also got to play tourist in the city of Calgary. What might be the ultimate Calgary experience you ask? Why, The Calgary Stampede of course! 

We spent basically an entire day there, taking in the sights, eating interesting fried items and the highlight event, watching a real live rodeo. Complete with chuck wagon races. I've seen most of these events on TV at some point in time, but you really do gain a whole new appreciation for what these men and women do when you see it live. Especially the bull riders. Those guys are NUTS.

Over the next few days I had a lot of great conversations with a variety of different kiwis and Canadians. John and The Fox both are blessed with some absolutely fantastic families and friends. Regardless of whether they were visitors or native to the area, everyone involved with their wedding was incredibly gracious and helpful. From offering extra rooms to house people, to making sandwiches to feed work crews at the wedding site. It was a huge and very impressive team effort. 

Turnaround - Take Two

My flight was set to fly out Sunday morning, so Saturday morning was my last little moment with The Professor until I make the big move later this year. He and the boys, along with the rest of the visiting kiwis, were driving to Banff later that day. John Wayne's family was touring the city while the boys were going out for the big stag party. I said my farewells that morning and The Fox and I drove to her grandmothers home where I would be staying the night (as she lived near the airport). 

Her grandparents have got to be some of the sweetest most loving people. I was welcomed into their GORGEOUS home with open arms, offered a glass of wine and a comfy chair over looking the lake behind their property. Yup. True story. While there, they discovered that my mother (who is a fantastic seamstress) has taught her daughter wonderful things....like how to tie the perfect bow. Oddly enough, bows are in high demand when a wedding's coming up, so we made a little bow factory right there in their living room.

Chit chatting as we worked, we talked about all of the fantastic details that were going to be involved with the upcoming nuptials. I was so sad that I had to leave, as it sounded like it was going to be the most perfect day. Expressing my disappointment at my looming flight home....they said "Well, why don't you just stay?!" It took little convincing. A quick plan was formed, as The Professors birthday fell on the upcoming Monday. So I turned into extra helping hands for the wedding and a birthday surprise for the best man. ::grin:: 

I ended up heading back to Strathmore with The Fox, planning to go out with the girls initially, but changing plans last minute to stay home and enjoy a book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I can safely say that I read this book at a perfect time in my life. The Fox had also read (and loved it), giving me great advice to read it with a pencil, underlining things that grab your attention. Genius. I encourage you to read it. It wont take long.

Side Note: The next morning.....The Fox is in the kitchen. Looking for cheese. But it is nowhere to be found. Issue. They had made nachos last night when they got back. So there WAS cheese. Last night. Issue. A whole block of it. GONE. The Fox ate a whole block of cheese. A week before her wedding. ISSUE. 

Fast forward to Monday. We are back in Calgary, headed back to her grandmas to meet everyone for lunch. Mind you, no one knows that I'm still here. We arrive and wait for the caravan to show up. And this is where I start to get nervous. The "what ifs" parade through my train of thought. I do my best to stuff that all to the back and ignore it. Casually placing myself in the kitchen, out of view from the front entrance, I wait as the cars pull up out front. 

When you walk in this house, you attention is immediately drawn to the floor to ceiling windows on the far wall, showcasing the lakeside views. You don't see in the kitchen until you've walked past the counter. So that is where I wait. Grinning.

Poor professor. He'd said his farewells, helped me load my things in the car, and probably immediately started growing his beard out. I cant confirm this, but I also assume that he was looking forward to having a bed to himself. 

Nope.

His face was priceless. Walking past the counter, still captivated by the view, he finally turns his attention to the kitchen. Eye contact. Double take. Triple take. "Wha? What are you doing here?" Followed by my favorite half grin. 

"Happy Birthday!" I say with a smile on my face. 

And the man who hates to be the center of attention, is now the center of attention as everyone around us is grinning and laughing. 

Return to: "Get Out."

Canola, Kiwis and The Best Cat's Ass Ever

The following week is a blur. Mowing, moving, stacking, cleaning, setting, eating, drinking, sleeping. Multiply that by 5 and you've got the week down.

In between everything, I got to spend a lot of time with the ladies contingent of the New Zealand representatives. The boys were doing heavy labor. The gentlemen were driving supplies and people to and from the wedding site. So the ladies were in charge of hospitality. Preparing meals, keeping the house clean, receiving guests, etc.

The closer we got to the wedding date, more of their family and friends began arriving. Including Caesar & Cleopatra (please refer to the addendum in Turnaround), as well as:

ENTER: Doug and Pattie
Good good people. Excellent gene pools too because they have the cutest kids!

ENTER: The Scientist
He is so smart it's almost frightening.

ENTER: The Blonde Nugget
This child may perhaps be the coolest kid I've met in a long time. He is 3. He is very blonde. He is a tiny adult. He also loves butter.

Wedding day rolls around and I head over to the RV that Caesar, Cleopatra, Doug and Pattie are sharing. As we pulled up, I was immediately stricken with some serious RV envy. This thing was a mansion on wheels. Complete with working kitchen, TWO giant beds AND even a straightener.

We all get ready together and drive over to tent city to begin the festivities. Pulling up to the ceremony site, I was struck by the enormous effort compiled by this group of people. What had been a field in the middle of nowhere with knee high grass, had been mowed, baled, remowed and transformed into a small city of weddingness. A massive tent, complete with draping and chandelier dominated the landscape on the crest of the hill.

It, however, paled in comparison when you took in the ceremony site. Gracefully laid out in the valley, it was flanked to the right by rolling canola fields (a cheery bright yellow flowering crop) and on the left stretched a small pond delicately framed by cattails and reeds.

I feel that I need to stress this next part:

This day COULD NOT have been more perfect. The only thing that made it more perfect were the two people that we had all gathered together to celebrate with. They don't just love each other, they are there for one another, they care unconditionally for one another and they balance each other beautifully.

The ceremony was stunning. I don't even know these people and I'm crying while they read each other their vows. Hell, its 3 months later now that I'm FINALLY writing this and I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

Their photographer? Fucking awesome. Post ceremony the wedding party slipped away to take a few photos. The photographer had 20 or so pictures loaded on an iPad that circulated at the reception. Brilliant idea because I cannot tell you how many weddings I've been to, or even been IN and not even seen the photos.This girl does some seriously gorgeous work. Want proof? Here's her website: Meg Courtney Photography

The reception was unreal. Following a short break after the ceremony where guest freely mingled amongst one another, a delicious meal started things off right. The MC's were hilarious using a scavenger hunt to release the tables to eat. After dinner came the speeches. Beautiful words that described the bride and groom in ways that I cant even do justice. Each speech was perfect in its own right, and each one captivated the crowd completely. Beyond that, energetic people, plenty of booze and a giant dance floor. You really can't go wrong. We were there until close to 3am. Captain Awesome OWNED that dance floor, line dancing and all.

The following day, post wedding clean up ensued, followed by the construction of a MASSIVE water slide ending between the arch set up for the ceremony.

Return to: "Get Out"

The Most Hilarious Dinner

The day after the wedding The Professor and I went out for dinner with Captain Awesome, The Scientist, Doug, Pattie, John Wayne and The Fox. (Side note: That may be the oddest sentence I've ever written...) What ensued resulted in conversation and stories (also known as yarn spinning) that left us all doubled over in laughter by the end of the night.

[I've been sitting here in a cafe for a few minutes trying to think of the best way to write this post out. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that there were so many little stories that were hilarious in their own right that haven't made the blog yet. So this entry will not only be dedicated to the most hilarious dinner ever, but also to the mini hilarious moments that haven't been mentioned yet. To those who were present: if I've missed anything of note, add it in the comment section. I think I will again revert to "bullet style" typing...]

- I was promptly introduced to the arcade game "Buck Hunter", which coincidentally can now be found at a bar in Dunedin, and I was disappointed to learn that my Halo skills acquired in college were in vast disarray. I couldn't hit an imaginary water buffalo to save my life. Pitiful.

- Another first time experience: slushie pints. D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S. Mix beer with some sort of fruitie slushie... sounds ridiculous, but I swear its wonderful.

- "Phil Dunfie is so fit that he doesn't have calves....he has cows."

- "Root beer tastes like mouthwash."

- During dinner, The Scientist tells us a grand tale of being sent on an errand to buy baby clothes for a friends baby shower. Keep in mind, this man is a genius. He arrives at the store, peruses the baby area and comes home with a t-shirt in hand. When he presents it to his wife for further inspection, she is confused. The t-shirt he bought was basically doll clothing. It was TINY. As we are laughing at his retelling he looks at us gesturing with his hands that he has "no idea how big babies are!"

- The Little Blonde Nugget, who served as the ring bearer in the wedding, was a constant source of entertainment. Upon entering our camper to explore, he turned to Captain Awesome and said in a very stately voice, "This is a very comfortable home." He then retreated to the back bedroom, climbed onto the bed and said, "If you need me, I'll be in here."
Also, at one point he was leaving a room and said, "I'm just going to get a drink, I'll be two...maybe two and a half minutes."
His father said to him, "You have five minutes." To which the Little Blonde Nugget replied, "Can we make it nine?"

- The second week we were in town The Professor was invited to play slow pitch Tuesday night. Apparently the skills required to play cricket are fairly useful on a slow pitch field.... he fielded a ball off of third base and flung it to first so quickly that the receiving player almost didn't see it coming. His first round at bat? Smashed it. After the game, the team held a quick initiation for him. An ice cold can of beer was placed on each base. He was instructed that for each base he made it to he was required to shot gun the beer. Standing at home base with an easy grin on his face, the ball was thrown and he powered it over the fence and into a field never to be seen again. And I thought the button down shirt was attractive.....that by far topped it.

- Post wedding ceremony, The Professor and Captain Awesome were taught how to correctly line dance by the ladies contingent of the bridal party in the middle of a field. Definitely one of my favorite photos from the weekend...

- At some point during the reception, Captain Awesome found what appeared to be aviator goggles. I have NO clue where he found them, but it definitely enhanced his dance moves.

- Cheese Update: After we had all returned to our respective countries after the wedding, I received a lovely message from The Fox. In closing, she mentioned that she discovered a block of cheese in the freezer door when we left. Apparently, post nachos it was mistakenly placed in the wrong door...

Return to: "Get Out"

I feel like confetti....

This last year has been unreal. I don't know if I'm frantically searching for something or if my gut reactions are pulling me towards something huge. Wonderful. Frightening. Electric. Suck-your-breath-in-through-your-teeth-and-dive-into-freezing-water.

I keep trying to slow my mind down and enjoy the next few months. Taste every bite of food. Smile more (if that's humanly possible). Walk places. I'm trying, in vain, to train myself to savor my life. Maybe if I try hard enough I can develop some sort of photographic memory that not only catalogs sights, but also scents, feelings and sounds.... Things are going to be very different the next time I'm in Kentucky, so I want to catalog as much as I can.

It's just nearly impossible to do with my head and my heart shouting at me to move. Move! MOVE! The to-do list in my head is growing at an alarming rate...

Everyone knows manual focus is cooler...

My dad has this camera. He used to take it out when he was younger and snap photos along Kentucky back roads. I remember when he gave it to me, I was a teenager and didn't have a clue how to operate such a complicated piece of photographic equipment. Loading the film was one thing ... but then you had to figure out how to hand advance between shots, not too far - not too short. How to adjust for lighting. How to frame subjects. How to focus.

That was when I fell in love with the manual focus. You could shoot "artistically"... that is, when you weren't trying to figure out how to operate the rest of the camera. It required hand-eye coordination to reach that sweet spot where you had that bird sitting on that fence post perfectly in line. (Of course it took you longer than 5 seconds to get it there so 9 times out of 10 the bird had already found something more interesting and flown away.) This camera has little finger grips patterned all the way around the barrel of the lens. They effortlessly grip your fingerprints as you swing the focus in and out until you had it spot on.  You could feel the mechanics. Feel the glide. Combine that with what you were seeing through the viewfinder and if you moved slowly enough and concentrated really hard .... you could almost feel the focus.

Now....imagine that feeling. Hold it. You're line of sight is spinning in and out trying to grip onto something, anything that focuses clearly. Work...no. Travel...no. Running...no. Monotonous tractor work....ahhhh, there it is.

My dad is a farmer. He will always be a farmer. Even when he's retired. He'll be a retired farmer. As one of his children, I grew up here amongst grass, crickets, dirt, fresh air and summer winds. I understand, to some extent, what he loves about what he does. But its never more clear to me than when I get to work alongside him. There is something about the steadiness, the monotony, the air, the sun, something...that just gives you the answers to all of life's problems. "You can solve the worlds problems from a tractor," he says, "that is until you turn the engine off, then it all slips out of your mind."

My conclusion: Hay fields are giant labyrinths.

There is a theory about labyrinths today. That walking (whether a large scale one that you actually walk in, or a small scale piece that your fingers "walk") one can be used as a form of meditation. "As a meditation tool consisting of a walkable single line path, a labyrinth can be a source of solace and can quieten a distracted or over-reactive mind. When troubled by disturbing emotions or unfortunate events in your life, walking a labyrinth can help resolve your inner discomfort and still your mind enough for you to get clarity of what is going on (wikihow)."

I've been feeling a little off kilter lately. Second guessing myself, questioning things I'm normally rock solid on, etc. Just an overall feeling of insecurity, for no reason I might add.

I was helping dad with a hay field on the back of our property. Its a lovely field, secluded, bordered with large trees and a pond to one side. As I start cutting grass to bake and dry and in the sun, I end up making and sweeping back and forth pattern. Easy turns on the ends, methodically cutting my way across the expanse of the field. With each row completed, my head clears a bit more, dropping guards on the more complicated things that I'd pushed to the back burner. I begin to slowly sift through the shit that has been rolling around in my head for the last year. Self confidence, relationships, travel, goals, love, health, etc.

My life had been on auto focus for the last few years (New Zealand excluded). It was easy. Push button. Click. Memory created. I had lapsed into what I hate the most - living a life on the path of least resistance. Pffft.

That's right....PFFFFT.

Manual focus, my darling, my love. I need to relearn how to use you. How to see the whole picture by looking at the subject. How to frame my life. How to make memories with forethought, strength and beauty. Not memories lacking soul, cookie cutter in frame or out of focus.

I keep having flashes of dreams lately. I'm decked out in my polka dot dress and flip flops. On a beach. With this lovely, intelligent, hilarious man. Just walking. And its delicious.

Take a deep breath...

Oh, pre-storm evening walks...I do love you so.

Last night, I went for a stroll around sundown, the grass was just starting to turn green and you could smell freshly plowed dirt in the air. I love that smell...it's heavy, fresh and warm all at once. The sun slowly setting highlighted the storm clouds brewing in the distance.

You can always hear a storm coming. Birds stop singing, your breathing seems louder, the whole world seems to go quiet. There is a palpable energy to the air that makes me feel like I am walking through a force field. I knew this energy before I even saw the clouds. Its been humming through my blood for the last three weeks.

Something is changing.

My maiden voyage at cross continental travel was a huge catalyst for change in my life. I knew it as soon as I got off the plane in Kentucky. I was in my home state again, but it wasn't home anymore. I loved New Zealand. Absolutely fell head over heels for the entire country. The food, the people, the air, the sea, the walks, the beer, the glorious mountains. It all felt like me. And that felt so....good.

Before KFarm and I had even started heading back towards Auckland for our flight home, we had discussed coming back on working holiday visas. As soon as I landed, I took a hard look at my finances and made some quick decisions right away. If I was going back, I wanted to go back ASAP. I needed three things:
1. My dog.
2. Finances to actually be eligible for the visa AND fly myself and said dog across the globe.
3. A job to support myself when I arrived.

At that point in time, I had 2.5 dogs, 1 cat and 3 horses. This would have to change. So I began cleaning house. Mia went to a therapy dog trainer, Penny Cat found a great new home where she gets attention and has plenty of covers to burrow under, and I am currently in the process of selling my Clydesdale and finding a free lease home for my trail horse. Just dropping one dog and one cat made a huge difference in my stress level alone. I didn't feel rushed to get home to let the puppy out, or have to worry about having cat litter. My bills are growing even smaller :)

1. The Boss is coming with me on my global adventure. This means lots of super fun testing for customs requirements. Good thing I work at a vet clinic....

2. My goal is 10 grand in 7 months. If I don't eat out often and successfully sell the Clydesdale, this is a completely attainable goal.

3. The job hunt is in process people. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I can feel this part of my life coming to a close and a new book slowing beginning. A storm is coming my dears, I just wonder if it will end with a rainbow or a hurricane.

Turnaround

Continued from: "He's worse than a freakin bug zapper..."

My dignity still in tow, we loaded up Bruno Timberlake Mars and headed out for our coastal drive to Kaikoura.

Skipping through Christchurch, and finally landing in our lovely Kaikoura hostel, Albatross Backpackers, we check in and are promptly shown to our rooms.

Let me just say. I LOVE to read. Seriously. I blew through at least 10 books on this trip. And none of them with pictures.

That being said, when we were taken into our room for the next two nights, I clambered up onto my top bunk and almost giggled with glee at the reading light that was installed right next to my head board. Love this hostel already.

Later that evening, I'm all curled up in my bed have a riot of a conversation with The Professor. He starts asking about bus schedules and a light bulb goes off in my head.

I bolt up right and lean over to KFarms bed....

"K.... he's asking me about bus schedules...."

Her eyes laser focus in on me and a big grin spread over her face. "Really?"

Now, in all fairness, I'm quite sure that this was just a passing thought of "wouldn't it be funny if..."

"Yeah....what if I went back? I don't really want to do anything in particular in the North Island and I need to look at Dunedin again to see if I can really live there for an extended period of time...."

And a plan was hatched.

The trio split up the next day. I hopped a bus back down to Christchurch for the night to catch an early connector to Dunedin. I booked two nights stay at our hostel and informed The Professor of my return. Poor fellow, I don't think he was expecting that.

I didn't want him to get a big ego about the fact that I may or may not have wanted to spend more time with him, so I guiltily fabricated a weak story about having coffee with a friend of a friend to discuss work visas, employment, etc.

Arriving in Christchurch around 4ish in the afternoon, I checked into my lodging for the night, Jailhouse Accommodations. It's exactly what it sounds like, an old correctional facility that has been refurbished into dorm style lodging. And its just as creepy.

Everything clangs and echoes with a general overtone of menace. The beds are clean and comfortable, when is really all I cared about at that moment. Feeling antisocial, I jumped in the shower early, shaved my legs as though my life depended on it and climbed into bed early.

The Professor had ever so graciously agreed to be my chauffeur and tour guide for the next two days in Dunedin and was planning on collecting me from the bus station around 1:45 the next day. He has also kindly offered his house as a place to stay, which I cautiously accept, keeping my hostel book until the last minute just in case he's a nutcase.

I am so excited I can hardly stand it. My leg was jumping up and down the entire 6 hour bus ride back down to Dunedin. With my heart in my throat, the bus crests a hill and Dunedin sweeps out before my feet.

Pulling into the bus station, I do a quick once over of my appearance:
Good butt pants: check
Hair remotely under control: check
Stupid grin plastered to my face: get a grip! Normal face, normal face normal face chanting through my head as I climb off the bus.

Then my feet hit the pavement, I grab my bag turn to my right and BAM.... there is my favorite Kiwi with my name printed on paper, cute grin on his face, looking straight at me. normalfacenormalfacenormalface

Ah fuck it. A big grin creeps across my cheeks and that was the last time I tried to hold it back.

Driving back to his house, I am amazed at how balanced I feel. The constant move, pack, drive, eat, move, etc. routine of the the few weeks had worn more on me than I was aware. Sitting in the passenger seat of a car with a man whom I barely know, I feel so....good. Calm. Free. Giddy. Solid. Its just nice to be taken care of. I don't have to plan, think or drive. I just enjoy.

We drop my stuff at his house (which is, of course, adorable) I internalize as much grinning as I can until he shows me the reading light he set up for my use (whether or not it was actually there before or not, I have no clue, but the fact that he even mentioned it at all was just too cute).

Back in the car, he is like a kid in a candy store. Music flowing through the car, leg jumping, silly grin on his face. He emphatically pats my leg as he tells me bits and pieces of information about things we drive buy. Where he likes to play golf, how awesome the view is from that hill over there, where he likes to run.

We drive out to Tunnel Beach, climbing rocks, sitting on driftwood couches and chatting, I am thoroughly enjoying the burn in my legs from the steep climb up and down to the beach. I haven't moved enough over the last week and it felt good to sweat a little and get my heart pumping again.

Hiking back to the car, we cruise over the St. Claire Beach. Popping into a pub for a "wee pint", I then undergo one of the most important and well demonstrated life lessons that I will ever learn....

How to play cricket.

I like cricket. It's like fancy baseball. Initially confusing, fancy baseball.

The beach is gorgeous as we walk the full length of it, shoes in hand. He points out the most photographed places, the best views, we sneak a kiss as we stroll up through a bush covered path to the overlook.

This. Is. Not. Real. Life.

As we walk back down towards the car, we get an excellent tip on some stellar fish and chips from a friend of a friend. Yes, please.

We quickly order (ok, he quickly orders and I spend too long reading the menu) and its back to the car to drive to an excellent location for eating fish and chips. In the car, parked on a hill overlooking the entire city.

Again, I say....Not Real Life.

Just for shits and giggles, we drive over to another looming hill to enjoy looking down on the city from the other side.

Keep in mind boys and girls - that was all in an afternoon. One. Afternoon.

Monday

Firstly - its a holiday! So I get to steal him for myself all day. Full time tour guiding is a rough life.

I know what you're thinking here....
"Why, goodness LP! You must be absolutely famished. What on earth did you get for breakfast? Twigs and berries?"

No, sweet readers, not even close. He cooks me breakfast.

Let me repeat that.

He cooks me breakfast.

"I'll have it ready by the time your out of the shower." he says.

What dream life have i dropped into?

20 minutes later, I'm squeaky clean and sitting on his couch looking out the window at a sweeeeet view of the city staring down a plate of toast, poached eggs and hot cross buns.

::swoon::

After breakfast, we drive for what seems like no time at all to the start of the Ross Creek Trail. This leads us through dense forest, past a neat waterfall, through evergreens, past water reservoirs and into the beginning of the Pineapple Track.

Side note: If you've read any of this silly blog, you'll note that I ADORE hiking. When I move to Dunedin, I'm telling you now - I'm walking The Pineapple Track every weekend. I will be FIT.

This track was rowdy (for my current level of fitness): I, sadly, was breathing heavy about halfway up from a combination of the view and the climb. After many breathers for my pansy ass, we make it to the top and find a nice little bench to park on and enjoy the view whilst we chow down on the mini pecan pies he so thoughtfully packed that morning.

Again, I find myself unable to ignore how calm and grounded I feel looking down on this city.

ENTER: The "Discussion"

Leaving the track, we head out for a milkshake, and our first disagreement ensues.

The Professors Rules for Vanilla Flavoring
- Not in ice cream cones.
- Not in the car (Editors note: not sure why I have this written in here)
- Yes in milkshakes

LP's Rules for Vanilla Flavoring
- Its boring. Hence why the word "vanilla" is synonymous for "plain", therefore chocolate is better.
- Unless it is being used in my banana bread recipe, then its more than acceptable.

After milkshakes we drive out to Allan's Beach. By far my favorite beach for the whole trip. If you are even in Dunedin, go. Its remote, not crowded and stunning. There were even up close views of blue penguins and fur seals.

Leaving Allan's Beach, we skip into town and pick up his room mate, lets call her Mary Poppins because shes petite and adorable. The Professor, Mary Poppins and I head out for some dinner, eating way too much Thai food (It was Thai right??).

Mary Poppins had other plans for the evening, so The Professor and I walked in town a bit to a pub called The Craic (my current number one favorite pub)

Tuesday

Waking up the next day feeling like a champion, I slept in a bit and prepared myself for a strenuous day of doing absolutely nothing important.

I strolled into town, had a lovely cup of coffee, read my book for a bit, did a little light shopping. Nothing to crazy. I was planning on sun bathing in the Varsity (collegiate area of the town), but the weather was total shit, so I sauntered back to the Octagon and ended up in The Craic again. The last game of the New Zealand vs. England cricket game was conveniently playing in front of an empty couch with a nice fire blazing away in the corner.

It was the perfect spot to land for the rest of the day. I convinced my host to meet me after he was free from work and we watched the end of a very emotional game of cricket. He is so fucking cute when he gets excited that I can hardly stand it. Knee jumping up and down with that silly half smile on his face. You cant not smile at it,

After cricket, we picked up Mary Poppins from work and drove back to his house where she proceeded to cook everyone one hell of a meal:

Lamb Roast
Leeks
Potatoes (from his garden!)
Home made gravy and mint sauce

I've died and gone to heaven.

Wednesday

Wednesday was get my act together day. I took a different route into town, walking through some more residential areas. Trying to get a feel for the area and attempt to imagine myself there for an extended period of time.

Completely doable. Another post to follow as promised on Dunedin itself.

Sporting my favorite polka dot dress, I met The Professor for lunch near the varsity, snagging pizza and eating in the sun.

Next was souvenir shopping, followed by a relaxing hour of reading in the octagon. In closing, I toured The Settlers Museum next to the train station and promptly met my tour guide that afternoon in the park out front.

ENTER: Squash

So, while we're sitting in the park, he asks me if I'd like to watch him play squash that night. "Of course!" I say. Little did I know.

Squash is an odd sport. Not my style for audience participation, BUT I will say, there was something immensely attractive about watching him ref the last game of the night. Numbers have never sounded so enticing. I'm surprised my clothes didn't fall off.

I can now say that I understand what squash is, and that I have no desire to watch it again.

We march back to his house, change for dinner and head out for my real last night in town.

Dinner at Yuki (aka "The Cave")
A sweet little Japanese restaurant tucked in off of an alley (hence The Cave), I was skeptical at first, but this place was amazing! You got to pick and chose several things off of a fairly extensive menu, nibbling here and there on whatever strikes your fancy at the time.

Dumplings, edamame, octopus balls, avocado and salmon miso, spicy chicken, chicken skin, scallops (YUM). Definitely going back here ASAP.

After dinner we went to our first date night pub, Albar, sat in our little window seat and bantered back and forth, I was on cloud nine.

Thursday

Bittersweet. This was the most beautiful and shitty day all at the same time. I packed my stuff that morning, headed to town for a weird tour of the Cadbury Factory, then met The Professor for lunch at my all time favorite place: Velvet Burger. What did I get, you ask? The Homegrown, why of course.

Climbing into his car, we drive a decent ways out of town and start climbing up a gravel road. Arriving at our final destination, Mount Cargill Lookout.

Sitting shoulder to shoulder in the grass eating our twin burgers looking out across literally everything, it was like being on top of the world, so stunning and so far away all at once. I have never wished for inclement, flight canceling weather more in my life than I did on that day.

We get up and he suggests that we walk a little further down the path to see "just another wee view of the city". I cant get enough, so of course I follow.

Coming around the corner of a ridge, its as if the whole world has been cut open. To my lift is rift after rift of mountains. Draped in cascading mist and slowly rippling away into the distance. If you let your eyes travel to the right, you can see Port Chalmers, Allan's beach, and a little more to the right lies Dunedin itself.

He stands behind me, an arm wrapped around me, pointing out places we had been, following the road to Allan's beach, the Pineapple Track, Laying out the last four days via the scenery.

With my flight to Auckland looming precariously in the distant future, we make our way back down to the city. To complete my Dunedin experience, he buys me an ice cream cone from Rob Roy's dairy. (Boysenberry is delicious!)

In accordance with the unreal adventures we've had, we take the long way to the airport. Driving along a coastal road listening to excellent music and talking about how we really must be in a movie.

Pulling up to the airport, I'm accustomed to an american airport drop off. Pull to curb, unload bags, hug, and your off. But no no, he parks the car, carries my bags in, literally checks me in for my flight because I'm too dumbstruck to press buttons, walks me into the cafe area and sits and waits with me for my flight.

Loading started at 5:55, I didn't even get in line for security until 5:50. He walks me to the check point, we say our farewells. I reiterate for the hundredth time that I fully intend to hunt him down again when I'm back in town. I start to say, "I'll see you later" and he just laughs and tells me that he'll wait for me at the window.

And he did. I fly through security, we wave at each other, I blow him a kiss and disappear down the boarding tunnel

I wasn't sure that people like this existed. I've just been in the wrong damn country.

He's worse than a freaking bug zapper...

Continued from "This only happens in the movies..."

Yes. Yes I did remember to put on deodorant. Thank god.

We stroll over to a "wee little bar" called Albar (I think...) down the road from the main area of the octagon. I'm trying not to be awkwardly quiet and in trying to not be awkwardly quiet, I end up being awkwardly quiet....for about 2 minutes.

We snagged a nice window seat looking out onto the sidewalk dining area and chatted about a vast variety of subjects. Ranging from the correct pronunciation of "orange juice" to the standard discussion of "tell me about your family".

Again, I cant tell you what he was thinking, but I was melting into a puddle of pheromones. Even the pauses in conversation didn't seem awkward, just filled with comfortable contemplation of each finished topic punctuated by a sip or two of beer.

Get it together LP! Goodness!

He walks me back to my hostel, roughly 2 blocks away and as we're saying goodbye, that damn eye contact kicks in.

He's worse than a freaking bug zapper.

.....we may or may not have made out like high schoolers for an undetermined length of time.

I fell into bed like a giddy feather with some stupid grin plastered on my face.

ENTER: Canada Day!

The Canadians Birthday was the next day, so we ran around town shopping and being girly (not my area of expertise, but I can work with it.) In one store, I came across the most adorable polka dot dress. After trying it on, it was an immediate purchase. Hitting my mid-thigh with a modest top, it was too stinking cute to pass up.

A little bit of messaging back and forth with The Professor during the day leads to plans for another casual evening out.

Polka. Dot. Dress. You're up slugger. Get your game face on.

Ok, so it was a little cold that night. And I heavily debated wearing my jeans. But damn it! It was our last night in town.....and that dress.....screw it. It's not like we're going hiking, I wont be outside for that long.

I hustle over to our meeting spot and lean myself up against a strategically placed flower bed. My legs are lookin' looooong. In an effort to not appear too eager, I fiddle with my phone to keep myself from scanning the crowd.

A familiar looking pair of shoes appears in my line of sight. Up shoot my eyes again. It takes all of my will power not drool. This man knows how to wear a button down shirt. And conveniently for him, I know how to stare at men who know how to wear button down shirts.

Which I do. While I remember how to use my tongue for making words come out of my mouth.

"Well, hello."

Really self?! That's the best you've got? Weak sauce. Tsk tsk.

And off we go. Starting with a pint at the same bar we started at the night before. This time however, it seems like maybe 5 minutes after we sit in our window seat the bartender swings by muttering something about "Last Call". A quick change of plans has us strolling back up through the center of the Octagon and after a few turns, he leads me down this abandoned looking alleyway.

"Ah, yes. I was wondering when you were going to get around to killing me in some alleyway and hiding my body." I say in a joking manner.

He chuckles at me and leads me around a corner into a tiny parking lot surrounded on all sides by brick walls. One of which, has a few tiny windows glowing with candlelight flanking a heavy looking wooden door.

ENTER: Pequeno - aka the most adorable bar ever.

Pushing open the door, you immediately feel at home. Thick velvet curtains sit along one wall, candlelight and firelight flick lovely shadows along the walls. The room is not overly large, but is dominated by a very gentlemanly looking bar. Overstuffed leather couches are strewn along the other long side of the wall creating nice little cozy nooks. The whole place feels at once very intimate in a very non-imposing manner.

We stroll up to the bar and he turns and asks me what I would like. I haven't a clue about whats available beer-wise in the area, so I let him pick one at random. I take a quick sip, nodding that it tastes great and should do just fine.

He tilts his head at me and says, "Now don't just say you like it just to say so. Its your last beer, so you'd better make sure you like it." His quick reference to my previous serial killer comment catches me off guard in the most delightful way as I fight the urge to choke on the sip of beer I just had.

Which brings me to number 5 (if you're still keeping count):

5. He's the most adorable bullshitter I think I've ever met.

Earning points left and right.

Again, he walks me back to my hostel. Again, we may or may not have made out like teenagers. (In the middle of which, a lovely drunk fellow comes up to us and asks for directions. No, that's cool, we're clearly not busy. Happy to tell you where to go, drunkie ... Really?) At this point, its my last night in town. Last. Night. In. Town. Polite words are exchanged, he says "Night gorgeous." and I regretfully hold tight to my dignity and walk upstairs to sleep in the cold top bunk of our stinky hostel room.

Dumb. Ass. He said "Night gorgeous." With that accent. Wearing that shirt. I say again, Dumb. Ass.

Continue...

This only happens in the movies...

Dunedin - you darling lovely city.

Samples was right, I really do need to hold onto my hat!

I was in a shit mood. Just grumpy and moody and generally displeasing to be around. Whats the best way to reverse this?... Some good ol' flirting, with the possibility of a lovely innocent make-out to follow.

ENTER: The Professor.

Our first night in town and in search of some cider, KFarm, The Canadian and I end up at a bar on the corner in the Octagon (basically the downtown area of Dunedin, shaped like...you guessed it...an octagon).

We land on a lovely table in the middle of the bar and snag a few hard ciders. Relaxing and surveying the scene, I do some casual window shopping. I notice a tall gentleman facing away from me at the table behind ours, and casually slip to the ladies room to snag a better look......

.....

Shit. He's pretty damn cute too!

ENTER: Chin Strap and The Asian Wingman.

Oh Chin Strap. Your beard is hideous. NO ONE should EVER grown a chin strap beard. EVER.

As I'm ordering another cider I get chatted up by Chin Strap and The Asian Wingman. They follow me back to our table (sorry again girls!) and proceed to split their attention between KFarm and myself. I have a lovely 20 minute conversation with The Asian Wingman about how he thinks that he loves his girlfriend (who currently lives in Missouri). KFarm enjoyed some awkward moments with Chin Strap (see: That Awkward Moment When)

The Canadian ends up over at the at the other table, as they overheard her accent and coincidentally were going to Canada later this year.

The dynamic duo depart our table after buying rounds of tequila shots for us didn't seem to make us any more receptive, but you never knew when Chin Strap was going to show back up....he would flit off for a minute then...BAM...he's back over your shoulder. His sudden absence sent KFarm and I scrambling to The Canadians current table.

Well....hello there Professor.

1. Tall.
2. A pleasing mixture of rugged and adorable.
3. New Zealand accent.

Feeling awkward and not up to dancing just yet, I figured I had nothing to loose and thought to myself: "Yes, I think I'll just park myself riiiiiight here at your elbow for the next 20 or so minutes and we'll see if there's a brain in there as well....."

4. He is S-M-A-R-T.

The next few bits are a little jumbled up in my head chronologically, so I'll revert to bullet points:

- I didn't pay for a drink the rest of the night.
- The DJ and I were BFF's for about 3 hours.
- New Zealand accents are the tequila of linguistics.
- I did the washing machine on the dance floor (Top Ten Ways You Know LP is Drunk)

At one point, The Professor and I are face to face. How this happened I cant recall, but I wasn't mad about it.

Eye contact: Established.
Eye contact: Maintained for 1.....2......3......4 seconds.

Solid make out. On a dance floor. With a kiwi. That. Just. Happened.

Then.....the music cuts and the lights are flicked on momentarily blinding me. Suddenly, I'm skipping like a school girl out the front door. All four of us are standing in the street, its 2am and The Professor is saying goodbyes to my traveling companions.

Eye contact: Re-established
Eye contact: Maintained for 1......2.......ah screw it. My hands snake behind his head and (again) solid make out. For 10ish minutes. In the middle of the road. Like. A. Boss.

I finally manage to distract myself enough to pull away, mutter something cute and vapid like "Really, no I mean realllly nice to meet you. If I'm ever in town again, I'm hunting you down." He flashes the most knee weakening grin my way and says something in agreement and away we go. Me skipping like an idiot, him sauntering down the road most likely never to be seen again.

KFarm and Canada try and talk me into emailing him the next day, but I politely refuse. It was too perfect of a moment, and my luck would be that he's married, or actually a douche bag, or boring as hell, or some horrible combo of all three. I wanted to leave it as a sweet, passionate lip lock in the middle of the road at 2am in New Zealand.

Until we opted to stay in town for a week instead of two days as originally planned.

My curiosity got the better of me...

Ignoring all logic in my head, I shoot him an email with some nonsense about "Oh, I just want some advice on neat things in the area. Where are good hikes, great food, etc., etc."

And what do you know, he actually wrote me back!

Lines of entertaining witty banter later, and I am suddenly rather interested to talk to him in a non-intoxicated state.

Evening plans were discussed, and seeing as neither KFarm nor Canada wanted to go out, he was stuck with me. Im not sure at this point exactly what he was thinking, but I was slightly petrified.

A. I couldn't remember for the life of me if he really was as cute as I thought he was.
B. In modern day america, there can be certain "expectations" that go along with having drinks, and I just don't operate that way.
C. The inevitable thought of: What if he's actually interested in either of my rather attractive traveling companions and is just being polite in dealing with my nerd conversation and lack of fashionable dress?

I tell myself to quit being an idiot and just go have a quick drink. It'll either be fun, or it will suck.

I throw on some decently attractive combination of clothing that I have and scoot out the door before Canada and KFarm try and dress me up any more than I'm comfortable with. They tried to get me to wear a scarf for goodness sakes! (Hey you: true story. Focus, and quit snickering to yourself.)

Waiting in front of the bar we met at originally a million thoughts whizz through my head. I lost myself in negativity for a moment....
What if he stands me up?
What if my hair looks horrible?
What if he thinks I'm boring?

"Well, hello there." Says a pair of shoes with a kiwi accent suddenly standing next to me.

My eyes fly up the tall frame that is now facing me. Eye contact: ......... Look at that smirk. He's waaaaaay cuter than I remember......

Shit, did I put deodorant on??

Continued...

Holy shit, we rented a car

Also, Canmericans reunite!

This is gonna be a long one....

SO.

The lovely folks at Omega Rental Cars are brave enough to entrust us with a vehicle designed to drive on the wrong side of the road. What more can I say.

Day One: Beyonceeeee
Nelson to Franz Josef: roughly 7 hours in the car.

Fact: Cat has the BEST music selection on her phone. Win.

Leaving Nelson around noon with our Canadian in the backseat, we arrived in Franz Josef late that night. I promptly passed the hell out.

Day Two: Glacier to Adrenaline Capital
Franz Josef to Queenstown: roughly 6 hours

1. Glaciers, while of great geological significance, are not thus far not the coolest thing I've ever laid eyes on. What they carve out, however, is AMAZING.
2. No socks + tennis shoes = blister
3. Left side driving is terrifying through roundabouts.

We landed in Queenstown for a few days, exploring the area, and unsuccessfully trying to catch a rugby game.

Day 5: Queenstown to Glenorchy to Milford Sound
I dont even know how many hours. But it was one hell of a drive....

Leaving Queenstown, we cruised over to Glenorchy for....Horseback Riding!! Katie and I rode through a few Lord of the Rings filming sites, a few river crossings, lake views, horses spooking at birds, nothing out of the ordinary.

From Glenorchy we drove back thru Queenstown, dropping Blue Ivy off for a quick check up. She'd been sounding a bit squeaky and we were headed into some pretty steep territory. I like brakes that work.

Oddly enough, hers were SHOT. So we got a new rental! Meet Bruno Timberlake Mars. He's a sweet cruiser with working speakers and killer pick up! I could actually pass people in this boat!

The drive to Milford was insane. Gorgeous views, the craziest tunnel EVER, and some of the most raw scenery that I have seen to date. I have now seen mountains from the ground my dears, and they are even more spectacular to stare up at as they are to stare down upon. Now I want to climb one....

Milford Sound. No words. I can hardly believe that before we left for NZ, I wasn't sure that we were really going to make it down there. I cannot tell you how brilliant everything was. And my god! The stars! Imagine the best night skyline you've ever seen, multiply its beauty and the brightness of the stars 10 fold.

If you add anything to your bucket list, make it Milford.

I snagged a lovely little cruise, talked to a sweet Irish family while we gaped at the scenery. Just freaking unreal.

Day 7: Milford Sound to Dunedin
Long. Ass. Drive.

No. Really. I was a big ball of incoherent when we finally rolled into Dunedin. Food was required stat, or I was going to keel over right there in the street.

Meet the love of my life: Velvet Burger. If you are EVER in Dunedin. Please dear god, go to Velvet Burger. Get a Homegrown and devour that sucker. You wont be disappointed.

Dunedin gets its very own post, so I wont elaborate too much here.

We ended up staying in town for 6 days, which was the perfect break from the non-stop cross country touring we'd been doing thus far.

Day 14: Dunedin to Christchurch to Kaikoura
Pace yourself. Dunedin -> Chch = 5 hours. Chch -> Kaikoura = 3ish hours

Leaving the lovely city of Dunedin, we snaked our way along the coast and up to Christchurch. It was SO nice to be in a car again for a little while. There is something therapeutic about belting power ballads while cruising along coastal roads.

The Canadian met up with family in Christchurch and we explored the shipping container mall set up close to the red zone.

Rolling out of Christchurch we zigzagged up to a beautiful coastal town called Kaikoura. Face one way, beautiful beaches with miles of thundering waves.
180 degree about face and you are staring at snow capped mountains. To abuse my already overused descriptive word some more....the view was unreal.

I turned into a bum and did a little sun soaking whilst I made some alternate travel plans.....

The heart of life is good

So I believe in this thing called karma. Do unto others, etcetera, etcetera. I have never in my short life felt its effects so profoundly until recently. And never did i ever think that a piece of clothing could illustrate it for me. Least of all a girly red skirt.

I lost myself a long while back. Lost sight of goals, of genuine humor, imagination, creativity, the need for fresh air. All things that defined who I was as a person. This is the story of how I found my road map back.

I wont do into great detail here, but though a series of relationships (both platonic and romantic), I have discovered that I am a chameleon of sorts. I adopt traits of the people I'm around that I find amusing, beautiful and/or real. It took several years and a lot of painful situations to realize that this was the person that I was allowing myself to be. I caused a great deal of pain and unnecessary heartache to people who cared a great deal for me, and for that I will probably never be able to apologize properly.

There is this absolutely heartrending speech called "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I still am ever grateful to the T.A. of my required speech class for forcing us to watch it. In it, Randy goes over the requirements for a real apology. They come in three parts:
1. Actually saying the words "I'm sorry"
2. These words should be followed by an admittance of what you have done wrong.
3. The third, and in my eyes the most crucial part, is asking: "What can I do to fix it?"

Its this last part that makes it a real apology, showing that you really and truly want to right the wrong you caused.

The wrongs that I've made make me who I am today. Without the guilt that springs forth from the pain I've caused I would be lost. Guilt and pain are my compass, steering me north towards balance, honesty and love.

The realization that I wasn't myself, but a collection of reflections of those that I placed on a pedestal, was not a kind one. I lost the confidence that I had scraped together after years of physical insecurity. I longed to be fitter, to be funnier, to be beautiful, to be fiery and passionate about life and love.

I stifled my insecurities and threw myself into work. Ignoring the weaknesses that I saw and flaws that I carried about my personality and body image. I focused on my brain first. Starting an imaging business, I relished creating beautiful things for people. Each client a new challenge. I threw myself into my career as a veterinary technician. Where can I improve, how many balls can I juggle at once. Can I fix a printer and start two rooms all while prepping surgery? (Im my head, yes. In reality, not quite haha.)

The hectic work hours that I had were a blessing. Distracting me from the life issues that I was facing. My professional life was strong as an ox. Personally? I was an awkward turtle.

Tackling this weakness next, I ended up in one of the most outright, honest, mentally freeing relationships that I have ever had.

What a feeling that was! I was completely myself. Awkward, nerdy, horrible timing and all, and he laughed not at me, but WITH me. It was the breath of fresh air that I needed. My self confidence began its climb back up the mountain.

Enter this blessed country: New Zealand.

Self confidence at half mast, I now focused on physical fitness. I wanted to fit into single digit clothes. I wanted to climb mountains on my crooked legs of steel. I wanted my summer skin back.

So I walked, and packed, and climbed, and walked some more. Sweat, sweat, sweat.

An amazing thing happened. I don't know if its the constantly changing scenery or all of the fresh air, but my imagination is GROWING. Each new view we see tells me a story. Metaphors are STILL flying through my head like comets. I can't write it all down fast enough.

3 days ago, in Queenstown, we stopped in a second hand store. I wasn't shopping, because I honestly didn't need to spend the money, nor did I need to stuff MORE things into my pack.

I saw a flash of red peek out from the middle of a rack. Pulling it from the line up I admired the cut and feel of the fabric. Its the PERFECT lindy hop skirt. Long enough to cover my silly crooked knees and cut in that perfect shape to fling out when you spin.

Looking at the size, there was a slim possibility that I might actually fit in it. In US sizing, it was an 8, not a stretchy jean fabric 8, but a "you better hope to god you're an 8" 8.

I slink into the fitting room, shimmy out of my jeans and pull this beautiful fabric on. Fit like a glove.

I cried like a baby. I looked like I had always wanted to look. Skin tight black tank top tucked into a high waisted bright red dream skirt.

Of course I bought it.

I tell you in all honesty, its all worth it. Every inch of shit that you will stomp through. Its all worth it for moments like that. Ignore the shit, there will always be more of it. Hold onto those bright moments, that's what makes it worth it.

If you're sad, figure out why. Find the source and confront it. Cut it from your life if necessary. If you're happy, say so. Say why and say it often. Let the people you love know that they are loved. Life is too short to do anything else my darlings.

Canmericans Unite!

After leaving Picton, we snagged a bus to the lovely city of Nelson on the first leg of our southern tour.

I am great at reading maps, but holy mother of goodness do I suck at judging distances.

A "quick stroll" from the bus stop to our hostel morphed into an "I didn't know I could sweat that much" 30 minute trek. Nice.

The gentleman who took us to our room asked it we were friends with the two people already here as the four of us had booked the room within 10 minutes of each other.

"Nope"

Canmericans Unite! Wait...what?

Cat (Canada) and Max (USA), meet LP and KFarm.

It was like the A-Team was reborn in New Zealand. Only instead of driving a sweet van, we get to pedal along like dorks on free rental bikes while wearing ill-fitting (completely useless in the case of a crash) helmets.